A binding mess

Binding. A.R.G.H.H.H.H.

I've made quilt tops before but have always abandoned them before they were anywhere near finished (Oh look! Shiny things! *runs away*), so this is the first time I've ever bound a quilt. Now this binding lark looks pretty simple and there are loads of great tutorials online but I'm still making a big old mess of it. 

How not to bind a quilt in 20 easy steps:

1. Cut 2.5 inch binding strips.
2. Sew strips together to make a SUPER STRIP long enough to reach the moon.
3. Pin binding to the quilt edges, not forgetting to do snazzy mitered corners and stab yourself with a pin every few minutes.
4. Sew the ends of the binding together.
5. Start sewing the binding on.
6. Realise the binding isn't wide enough. Panic. Unpick stitches.
7. Create millions of samples to test out different seam allowances.
8. Resume sewing using 2.5/8ish allowance - use inside edge of walking foot and close-one-eye-and-squint as a seam guide.
9. Stop to celebrate successes of sewing mitered corners correctly.
10. Realise binding ends aren't joined correctly. Cease celebrations.
11. Unpick stitches.
12. Consult internet for correct joining method.
13. Repin and sew ends together. Press and repin to quilt.
14. Realise red thread used to sew ends together after not bothering to change thread for one little seam is visible on the binding.
15. Stop for a gin.
16. Decide no one will notice red thread, resume sewing.
17. Complete sewing!
18. Realise 2 out of 4 mitered corners aren't mitered.
19. Have another gin. Unpick and resew corners.
20. Complete sewing!

Now if anyone can also let me know how to do the binding without getting constantly stabbed with pins I'd be very grateful. 

Time for more gin.